Just for fun

Jargon buster

Competitive Salary: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
Flexibe Hours: Work 55 hours; get paid for 37.5
Good Communication Skills: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want you to do.
Ability to handle a heavy workload: You whine, you're fired.
Career Minded: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.
Self Motivated: Management won't answer questions
Some Overtime Required: Some time each night and some time each weekend
Duties will vary: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
Competitive Environment: We have a lot of turnover.
Casual Work Atmosphere: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
Some Public Relations Required: If we're in trouble, you'll go on TV and get us out of it.
Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience: You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
Problem Solving Skills a Must: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Individual quotes taken from employee performance evaluations:

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere ... but only out of morbid curiosity."
"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', more of a definite 'won't be'."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."